Clueless In Cuckooland

I'm freeeee!!!!

Mister Speaker, the budget I am presenting today sets the seal on 12 years of unparalleled success for Cuckooland.

Public borrowing has set new records. We have never before borrowed 12.4% of our GDP in peacetime.

Public spending has only ever exceeded 48% of GDP once before - back during the glorious Labour government of the 1970s.

As for taxes, my new 50% tax rate is merely the first step. I am confident that in the next year or two we will be in a position to raise it further. Our long-term goal being to re-establish the 95% rate Cuckooland enjoyed before the Evil Thatch appeared.

Now, I know that the moaning minnie doubters will tell you I am being too optimistic.

They will say that Cuckooland will not achieve the 3.25% pa growth rate I am forecasting, and that my higher taxes will cause a mass exodus of entrepreneurs and brainpower.

They will say my public spending efficiency savings are pie in the sky.

They will say that I am hugely underestimating the cost of nationalising the banks, and that spiralling debt interest costs will drag Cuckooland beneath the waves.

To which I say, cuckoo.

Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo.

****

What a shambles:

• Debt explosion - even on Darling's figures, debt on the Maastricht definition is forecast to be 90.7% of GDP by 2013-14 (against a Maastricht limit of 60%) - and ludicrously, that excludes anything for the cost of bank bailouts
• Wildly optimimistic growth assumptions - no mainstream forecaster is anywhere near Darling's assumption of 1.25% growth next year and 3.25%pa thereafter. Tyler's fag packet says that taking the IMF's latest growth forecasts instead would add about �30bn pa to Darling's borrowing forecast by 2013-14
• Wildly optimistic bank bailout assumptions - Darling's borrowing forecasts exclude any losses, even though he reckons the cost will be 3.5% of GDP; worse, the real cost will be more like 13% of GDP (�200bn), as forecast by the IMF yesterday
• Wildly optimistic public spending assumptions - Darling factors in �15bn pa of spending cuts, but they're in the form of Gershon "efficiency savings", the ultimate Marx Bros funny money.

There are two possible explanations for such a load of wishful thinking. Either he actually believes it - quite possible given the record - or, more likely, they realise they're stuffed, and want to leave as big a mess for the Tories as they possibly can (like, how will Dave and George defuse that ticking 50% tax rate, given that there's no money?)

Gah!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - I simply cannot understand why you idiots out there elected these appalling people.