Letters: Volume 3 (Magazine Edition)

Okay you guys, this is the last Letters post for awhile - I promise.   We'll move on to something else tomorrow.   But I had to post this one.  It's just too sexy not to post.  You'll understand shortly... 


Dear Cosmopolitan Magazine;


I have written a column about 100 ways to spice up your sex life.  I think this piece would be a refreshing departure from your usual lineup.

I promise, you have never, ever, ever heard these ones before.  These are completely new concepts.  My article does not contain one single word that your readers will recognize from previous issues.  I have most definitely not listed exactly the same things on every other list you have ever published except with a few bizarre twists that no guy actually wants done to him.

My revolutionary list entices the reader to "try massaging your partner's perineum with Neosporin" or "tie your partner up with a rope made from completely renewable resources that costs $4 more than other ropes" or "try exploring each other's erogenous zones - and do it while wearing a scuba mask and singing along to Sting's 'Every Breath You Take.'"

And I have liberally applied the concept of combining the word "sex" with other words.  For sexample:  sexceptional, sexorcism, sextraterrestrial, sexcommunication, sexistentialism, sexport, sextermination, sexaggerate, sextrapolate, sexponential, sextreme, sextemporaneous, sex (that's sex combined with ex - like if you had sex with your ex boyfriend, you'd say you had "sex." LOL), FedSex, complsexity, sextrovert, sexamination, sextortion, sexplosive diarrhea, Kleensex, Microsoftcore sExcel, sexcalibur, sexacerbate, sexalted, sexasperated, sexcavation, sexceedingly, sexcrement, sexcretions, sexcruciating, sexcuse me, sexcuse moi?, sexecutive branch, sexecutive power, sexecution, sExedrine, sexemplify, sexonerate and my personal favorite, which is the very embodiment of what your magazine is all about: sexfoliate.  ISN'T THAT THE MOST AWESOME THING YOU HAVE EVER HEARD?   I bet you are just shitting yourselves over being able to publish that word for the first time.

But that list is not representative of the magnitude of my actual collection of sex/word hybrids - it is just a sexerpt!  If you want, I can sexplain more clearly.  LOL (that means "laughing out loud" which I'm not really doing - more like chuckling or merely breathing a little faster, but still).

If you don't feel comfortable publishing such a reformative piece, I have also prepared a list of 10 Must-Have Items for Fall.   Just a hint - it doesn't include an EPMotion automatic pipetting machine.  Or does it??

You won't regret your decision to publish me.

-Allie


Dear Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition;

Here is my submission:

You're welcome.

-Allie


Dear Time Magazine;

I am writing to request inclusion on your list of 100 Most Influential People.   I don't know if you've noticed, but I have over 100 followers on Blogger.   I get roughly 200 page hits every single day.  Well, except for Saturday and Sunday.  Apparently my readers have better things to do on the weekend than devote every waking second to reading my blog and commenting.  It's okay.  My feelings aren't hurt or anything.

Anyway, I would like it if you would include me on your list - possibly in your top 10.  And please use the following picture on my two-page spread:

Because I think your readers would appreciate seeing a sexy woman featured prominently in your magazine. I mean, don't you think they ever get tired of constantly seeing boring pictures of men in suits?  Playboy didn't get famous for covering the conflict in the Middle East.  Just saying...

Anyway, you can visit my blog if you want to check out my qualifications.   I think you'll find my style to be intelligent and engaging yet never heavy-handed.  I address tough issues with poise and clarity while still maintaining the image that I am speaking directly to each and every American.  I'm kind of like a younger, whiter, female-er Obama.
Okay, TTYL.

-Allie

I Need to be Famous by Thursday

I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I am not cut out to be a productive member of society.

I originally intended to become a doctor or medical researcher.  I thought that I wanted to save people, discover things and change the world.  But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I just want to sit on my couch in my underpants all day.

This is why I need you to make me famous by Thursday.  Thursday is the day that I officially graduate from college.  Back in January, I thought I would be ecstatic when this day finally came.  I now realize that graduating is a huge mistake.  I wish I could take it back, but I can't.  At this point I can't even fail.  I am starting to panic.  

It doesn't have to be this way.  

If my blog can become famous and profitable, I will be rescued from the brink of adulthood.   If my blog becomes famous, it is possible that I will never have to wear pants again!  You have no idea how much this would mean to me.  I hate pants. 

Here is what you can do to help:

*Wear a brown ribbon in honor of my cause (nobody has dibs on brown yet, right?)  This will not only help me, but it will raise awareness for terminally adult people all over the world.  

*Run down the street screaming about how awesome my blog is.  Make sure to clearly annunciate the URL (spell it out if you have to.) 

*Hang up a banner outside your door that says "help rescue the author of hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com from impending adulthood." 

*Make flyers to support my cause.  Neon green and yellow would probably be good background colors for the flyers you make.  Just FYI.  

*Take out a phonebook.  Start dialing in the A's somewhere.  Educate the call recipient about my plight.  If they resist, ask them if they ever had a dream.  Use their first name if it is listed.  Try to use their nostalgia and insecurity over their broken dreams to get them on your side.  But don't be inefficient!  If you sense that the person is a heartless bastard who will not change their position no matter how much you plead, move on to the next name.  This is a numbers game and you can't get them all.  

*Call your local radio station.  Dedicate a song to me - preferably "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey.  Once again, make sure to clearly annunciate all syllables in my blog URL.  I cannot stress how important this is.    

That's all you have to do to assure that my future can be spent pants-less and happy!  Is that too much to ask? 

P.S.  I am completely serious about this.  How funny would it be if someone actually did some of these things?  Even if I don't get famous, I would probably be able to live the rest of my life in complete happiness knowing that some person, somewhere did these things in my honor.  

If you take a movie/picture of yourself doing any of these things, I will post it on my soon-to-be super famous blog along with a description of how awesome you are.  

P.P.S.  I wanted to tell you again that I am completely serious, just in case you didn't believe me.  

Democracy 2.0

In the presentations I�ve been giving over the last six months or so there�s a part where I talk about how schools need to make these changes I�ve been blogging about not just so that students will be effective students and eventually employees in the 21st century, but also so that they can become effective citizens. I�ve pointed to the 2008 presidential election campaign as a prime example, comparing the resources I had available to me growing up to learn about the candidates and the issues with the resources available to students � and voters � today. I�ve talked about YouTube and how you can chart the rise and fall of various campaigns based on the current viral political video, and the plethora of websites where you can find detailed information (and misinformation) about candidates and issues, and the candidates own websites where you can read, hear and watch what the candidates themselves have to say. I�ve pointed out how both campaigns have used the Internet extensively, but that the Obama campaign took it to another level � not just with the unprecedented fundraising, but with the outreach and community building. And I always closed that part of the presentation by saying something like, �When the historians write the history of this election, how big a factor will they say the Internet was? And how are we preparing our students to be successful citizens in such a world?�

Well, that was before we knew the outcome of the election. Now that we do, it appears clear that the answer to the first question is, �Big. The Internet was a very, very big factor.�

From the Denver Post:

Barack Obama's Internet-based campaign has not only made history, it has forever changed the American political process.

. . . Over the past two years, Barack Obama carried Dean's pioneering techniques to an exponentially more sophisticated level. Realizing that America is really thousands of separate if often overlapping communities of interest, Obama used the power of the Internet to identify, organize and unite them. He raised probably more than $800 million when the final numbers come in, and that mostly in small sums from millions of donors. In turn, Obama used much of that cash to convert his virtual communities into a network of field offices and a get-out-the-vote team that brought millions of new voters to the polls.

From The Mercury News:

Former vice president Al Gore said Friday he was overwhelmed by Barack Obama's victory in the presidential election and credited the Internet for the campaign's success.

"The electrifying redemption of America's revolutionary declaration that all human beings are created equal would not have been possible without ... the Internet," Gore said.

From The Guardian:

While most pundits focused on the question of race, one largely overlooked factor was his powerful techno-demographic appeal. . . . It is no coincidence that one of Obama's key strategists was 24-year-old Chris Hughes, a Facebook co-founder. Hughes masterminded the Obama campaign's highly effective web blitzkrieg on everything from social networking sites to podcasting and mobile messaging.

From U.S. News and World Report:

A key turning point in the long and brutal presidential election involved a YouTube battle between dueling online videos.

It was primary season and Barack Obama was being battered in the press because of his relationship with controversial pastor Rev. Jeremiah Wright. Some of Wright's more inflammatory sermons were captured on video and were flying around YouTube.

Instead of letting the clips fester online, the Obama campaign immediately posted on YouTube the candidate's full rebuttal, a 37-minute-long speech on race he delivered to an audience in Philadelphia.

The video clip helped calm the controversy and attracted around 5.3 million views on the video-viewing website, proving the popularity and impact of a medium that was first used widely this election cycle.

From the NYTimes:

One of the many ways that the election of Barack Obama as president has echoed that of John F. Kennedy is his use of a new medium that will forever change politics. For Mr. Kennedy, it was television. For Mr. Obama, it is the Internet.

. . . Mr. Obama used the Internet to organize his supporters in a way that would have in the past required an army of volunteers and paid organizers on the ground, Mr. Trippi said.

�The tools changed between 2004 and 2008. Barack Obama won every single caucus state that matters, and he did it because of those tools, because he was able to move thousands of people to organize.�

Mr. Obama�s campaign took advantage of YouTube for free advertising. Mr. Trippi argued that those videos were more effective than television ads because viewers chose to watch them or received them from a friend instead of having their television shows interrupted.

�The campaign�s official stuff they created for YouTube was watched for 14.5 million hours,� Mr. Trippi said. �To buy 14.5 million hours on broadcast TV is $47 million.�

There has also been a sea change in fact-checking, with citizens using the Internet to find past speeches that prove a politician wrong and then using the Web to alert their fellow citizens.

From Information Week:

And it's only the beginning, said Trippi. That kind of networking will likely transform the White House. Trippi anticipates Obama will create a similar social networking for his legislative initiatives and recruit supporters to lobby Congress to get his policies enacted into law.

That last quote is key, �It�s only the beginning.� We�ve already got Change.gov, a website for the �Office of the President-Elect,� where the not-campaign-but-not-yet-administration is not only keeping followers updated on what they�re doing, but they are also soliciting input under a section titled �Open Government� with a link titled �It�s Your America: Share Your Ideas.� Does anyone think for a moment that after building up this huge network of supporters that they aren�t going to try to leverage it to help them govern? That they aren�t going to use the incredible community they�ve built to help them drive the conversation and pass legislation? Not to mention, of course, keeping these folks involved so they�re ready, willing and able to going into motion four years from now for Obama-Biden 2.0.

Yes, the issues facing the soon-to-be Obama administration are huge and not quickly or easily solved, and changing governing and politics is a difficult task, but never before has an incoming President had the kind of network and tools at his fingertips that President-Elect Obama has, nor the people who apparently know how to use them well.

So, all this goes back to the second question in the opening paragraph above (and my previous post), how are you helping prepare our students to be successful citizens and participants in Democracy 2.0?

Update 11-14-08: President-Elect Obama is taking the weekly radio address to YouTube as well.

So Sweet: Sugar Cookie Cupcakes!

For some reason, I've been thinking about sugar cookies! Maybe because Laura's mom, aka Granny, sent down some almond sugar cookie-type cookies from New York ...speaking of New York...did you hear about the New Yorker Magazine cover of Obama? All I can say is "what were they thinking???......and Granny's cookies made me think of sugar cookies...but back to cupcakes...then, of course...I connected them to sugar cookies in cupcakes and pictured these cupcakes with pink frosting. I think Layla must have been thinking about them, too! BTW: Happy Birthday, Ali!

Also, I found this sweet little Caserta Cup And Saucer at Anthropologie and I just knew it would fit in with pink cupcakes!


So, all I had to do is make the cookies and the cupcakes and frosting. I used Martha Stewart recipes for the sugar cookies and the vanilla cupcakes and Billy's (of Billy's Bakery NYC) for the vanilla, vanilla frosting. Beow are the recipes.

While I was in Vegas recently, we saw the show called "Jersey Boys"...It was awesome! Here's a mix I made online...thanks to Surcie...Marie: this is for you):

Have a great week, and remember to Rock ON!

CQ

Martha Stewart's Old Fashioned Sugar Cookies

Ingredients
Makes about 20 (3 1/2-inch) cookies
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 3/4 cups granulated sugar
1/4 cup packed light-brown sugar
1 tablespoon finely grated lemon zest, plus 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1 cup unsalted butter, (2 sticks), softened
2 large eggs
Sanding sugar, for sprinkling

Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Sift flour, baking soda, and salt into a bowl; set aside.
Put sugars and lemon zest in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Mix on medium speed 30 seconds. Add butter; mix until pale and fluffy, about 1 minute. Mix in eggs, 1 at a time, and then the lemon juice. Reduce speed; gradually add flour mixture, and mix until just combined.
Scoop dough using a 2-inch ice cream scoop; space cookies 2 inches apart on parchment-lined baking sheets. Flatten cookies slightly with a spatula. Sprinkle tops with sanding sugar, then lightly brush with a wet pastry brush; sprinkle with more sanding sugar.
Bake cookies until golden, about 15 minutes. Let cool on sheets on wire racks for 5 minutes. Transfer cookies to racks using a spatula; let cool completely. Cookies can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature up to 3 days.

Martha Stewart's Vanilla Cupcakes

Ingredients
Makes 24
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
12 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature (1 1/2 sticks)
1 1/2 cups sugar
4 large eggs
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 1/4 cups milk

Directions
Heat oven to 350 degrees. Line cupcake pan with paper liners; set aside. In a medium mixing bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt. In another mixing bowl, cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy, about 4 minutes. Add eggs one at a time, mixing until incorporated and scraping down sides of bowl, beat in vanilla.
Add flour mixture and milk alternately, beginning and ending with flour. Scrape the sides and bottom of bowl to assure the batter is thoroughly mixed. Divide batter evenly among liners, filling papers about 2/3 full. Bake on the center rack of the oven until tops spring back to touch, about 20 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

Billy's Vanilla Vanilla Frosting

Ingredients
Makes enough for 30 cupcakes
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
6 to 8 cups confectioners' sugar
1/2 cup milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Directions
In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream butter until smooth and creamy, 2 to 3 minutes. With mixer on low speed, add 6 cups sugar, milk, and vanilla; mix until light and fluffy. If necessary, gradually add remaining 2 cups sugar to reach desired consistency.

So Sweet: Sugar Cookie Cupcakes!

For some reason, I've been thinking about sugar cookies! Maybe because Laura's mom, aka Granny, sent down some almond sugar cookie-type cookies from New York ...speaking of New York...did you hear about the New Yorker Magazine cover of Obama? All I can say is "what were they thinking???......and Granny's cookies made me think of sugar cookies...but back to cupcakes...then, of course...I connected them to sugar cookies in cupcakes and pictured these cupcakes with pink frosting. I think Layla must have been thinking about them, too! BTW: Happy Birthday, Ali!

Also, I found this sweet little Caserta Cup And Saucer at Anthropologie and I just knew it would fit in with pink cupcakes!


So, all I had to do is make the cookies and the cupcakes and frosting. I used Martha Stewart recipes for the sugar cookies and the vanilla cupcakes and Billy's (of Billy's Bakery NYC) for the vanilla, vanilla frosting. Beow are the recipes.

While I was in Vegas recently, we saw the show called "Jersey Boys"...It was awesome! Here's a mix I made online...thanks to Surcie...Marie: this is for you):

Have a great week, and remember to Rock ON!

CQ

Martha Stewart's Old Fashioned Sugar Cookies

Ingredients
Makes about 20 (3 1/2-inch) cookies
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 3/4 cups granulated sugar
1/4 cup packed light-brown sugar
1 tablespoon finely grated lemon zest, plus 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1 cup unsalted butter, (2 sticks), softened
2 large eggs
Sanding sugar, for sprinkling

Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Sift flour, baking soda, and salt into a bowl; set aside.
Put sugars and lemon zest in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Mix on medium speed 30 seconds. Add butter; mix until pale and fluffy, about 1 minute. Mix in eggs, 1 at a time, and then the lemon juice. Reduce speed; gradually add flour mixture, and mix until just combined.
Scoop dough using a 2-inch ice cream scoop; space cookies 2 inches apart on parchment-lined baking sheets. Flatten cookies slightly with a spatula. Sprinkle tops with sanding sugar, then lightly brush with a wet pastry brush; sprinkle with more sanding sugar.
Bake cookies until golden, about 15 minutes. Let cool on sheets on wire racks for 5 minutes. Transfer cookies to racks using a spatula; let cool completely. Cookies can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature up to 3 days.

Martha Stewart's Vanilla Cupcakes

Ingredients
Makes 24
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
12 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature (1 1/2 sticks)
1 1/2 cups sugar
4 large eggs
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 1/4 cups milk

Directions
Heat oven to 350 degrees. Line cupcake pan with paper liners; set aside. In a medium mixing bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt. In another mixing bowl, cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy, about 4 minutes. Add eggs one at a time, mixing until incorporated and scraping down sides of bowl, beat in vanilla.
Add flour mixture and milk alternately, beginning and ending with flour. Scrape the sides and bottom of bowl to assure the batter is thoroughly mixed. Divide batter evenly among liners, filling papers about 2/3 full. Bake on the center rack of the oven until tops spring back to touch, about 20 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

Billy's Vanilla Vanilla Frosting

Ingredients
Makes enough for 30 cupcakes
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
6 to 8 cups confectioners' sugar
1/2 cup milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Directions
In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream butter until smooth and creamy, 2 to 3 minutes. With mixer on low speed, add 6 cups sugar, milk, and vanilla; mix until light and fluffy. If necessary, gradually add remaining 2 cups sugar to reach desired consistency.

XPLANE, Obama and Social Networking

Just a quick post to pass along this link to XPLANE's latest "XPLANATION." It depicts Barack Obama's success in "reinventing campaign finance" in a visual representation, with a focus on his use of his website and social networking tools.


I don't have anything particularly wise to say about this (please hold your applause), just thought I'd pass it along to folks that might be interested. XPLANE is always interested in feedback, so feel free to comment here and I'll pass it along, or contact them directly.